


you saw me fall but raised me up

by etherealgh0st



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Mentions of Rape, Mentions of drugs, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Relationship(s), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Smut, Trust Issues, alcoholic parent, chagnbin is a sporty boy, described past abuse, felix is a gay icon here, felix is jeongins best friend, hyunjin is a softie, new student hyunjin, poetic boy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-10
Updated: 2020-05-15
Packaged: 2021-03-03 03:33:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,987
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24118048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/etherealgh0st/pseuds/etherealgh0st
Summary: At school Jeongin’s image is just of an ordinary shy boy with edgy style and habits. But when one gets to know him better he’s much more than just a mysterious dark image that some kids pick on. There’s so many memories and events that the boy hides, which Hyunjin will indeed unfold and seep into deeper.
Relationships: Hwang Hyunjin/Yang Jeongin | I.N, Lee Felix/Seo Changbin
Comments: 4
Kudos: 26





	1. hiding in a shadow

**Author's Note:**

> necessarily read the tags, loves !  
> i've been writing this for weeks now, coming up with new stuff, deleting some scenarios, adding new stuff so it would go with a flow and be well connected. that's why i wrote all the chapters now and will post them all together in a short period of time.  
> currently working on the third chapter so it'll be posted tonight or the next evening.  
> as always, i hope you'll enjoy reading my work.

The heavy air that filled up his lungs wasn’t such a welcoming thing when he stepped his foot outside the doorway. Last night’s rain mixed with the hot concrete of a suny yesterday made the weather foggy. An instant thought of his hair being ruined came to his mind as he quickly placed the hood over his head.

A skateboard hitting the ground and a loud “Bye, mum!” - to which he of course didn’t get the response. One foot on, the other pushing against the ground with enough force as he was off to school in no time. 

Quick pick of his favourite musician’s single as the loud music was blasting in his ears, the earphone’s wires hanging downwards to his jacket’s pocket where his phone was tucked in. Living a few minutes away from the city with a few cars passing by wasn’t a threat to being run over by the cause of loud music, but once he entered the more alive side of Seoul he flicked one of his earphones out.

Once he made it to the needed but unwanted location he got off his skateboard and grabbed it with one hand, the other grabbing the cup of coffee his friend bought him. The other being so concentrated on his phone that he flinched a bit by his sudden appearance. “So into texting again, ha, Lixie.” - Felix being his best friend since day one, also known as the confident gay kid in their entier school. The closed kids see him as a big inspiration, openly a part of lgbt+ as a role model. 

He was once given by the history professor to do a presentaion about gay rights through the history and the spectrum of the lgbt within famous people. His speech was talked with passion that it even made some students tear up. Jeongin sitting in the back looking at the scene unfold and being amazed by his best friend. 

Of course he gets picked on here and there, assholes have to exist. But he tends to focus on the positive things and just ignore the spat out words from some students. “Life is a bitch and it gives you some people to just walk over.” - he once said to him while they were walking down the hallway. The boy did not understand one bit so he just followed after him. 

The freckled boy sighed after dramatically placing his hand over his chest after being startled by Jeongin. "Told you he’s not playing.” - he voiced from where he sat on the header of the bench. Jeongin could only roll his eyes slightly at what he heard, taking a few sips of the intoxicating drink he so much adores. “Okay, listen. So we met up, talked, he proceeded to kiss me, and got even a bit touchy. Think there will be something between Bin and me.” 

Bin or known as Changbin, Seo Changbin. The popular kid who doesn’t like the attention. He’d been in the football team since his first year of high school. One of the best players, but also known as playing with girl’s hearts, rumors say he gets bored pretty easily in a relationship and doesn't seak commitment. 

But that’s until back at the party which happened about two weeks ago, he pulled Felix into one of the rooms. By Felix’s drunk state some things he said might be overdramatized. He said that after he locked the door the dark haired boy started to kiss him. He was surprised just like Jeongin was in his hungover state the next morning when he told him about the event to a shared black coffee. 

Turns out Changbin is not sure about his sexuallity and by the stares and silent attention he managed to catch from Felix made him want to try things out but keep it hidden. 

“You sure he’s not just using you? You’re literally crushing on that guy and when he plays with your heart like it’s a ball to him, then what?” - he does worry about his best friend a lot, can’t stand seeing him cry. Makes him plan a murder for a person that caused it. “Innie, he’s not. How about you start trusting people.” - it made him sigh at the words, having trust issues for a valid reason won’t make it so easy to do so.

“You literally met up with that guy at 1 fucking am down by the stream.” - the other quickly mentioned after remembering he had to scold him because of some consequences that could’ve happened by the bad idea of meeting up with someone that late at night, know a guy or not. “He’s not just some random guy, c’mon Innie. And by still having me here you can see nothing bad happened.” 

A mumble of a word ‘unfortunately’ left Jeongin’s lips as a joke to which he got a hit against his ankle by the blonde’s foot, yelping silently as it hit right against the nerve. “You’d be happy if anything bad happened to me just so you could say ‘told you so’.” - Felix grabbed his backpack at that signaling the other that they should go to their class now, even though it’s way too late for that. 

“I’d be giving a speech at your death’s ceremony, look down at the casket and be like ‘I told you so’. Ahh the weeping and crying by my well said words as everyone would agree.” - they were walking inside the school’s building as he got a push from his friend making him stumble a bit as they both shared a laugh. 

“And I’ll be taking that.” - the principal's voice interrupted their time by taking Jeongin’s skateboard. “Reason you two are late to your first period again is?” - their principal wasn’t a stuck up person, keep everything in order with a stick up his ass. Students could joke with him, he was a just but school is school. If you don’t obey the rules of coming on time, if you dress inappropriately he will react to it with a stirn voice. 

“We had my rabbit’s interment.” - the blonde had to roll his eyes at that with a small sigh as the principal was staring down at him, shifting his gaze at Felix. “Go to your class.” - “But you don’t underst-” - “Class, now. Or you won’t understand why I’ll take your skateboard away for a longer period of time.” - with a quick ‘okay’ they started to walk towards their class. 

“You’re an idiot.” - Felix mumbled as the other was quietly chuckling next to him. 

-

They managed to attend the remaining class without getting caught by being late since it was a movie day for their biology class. The dark room being illuminated only by the presentation’s light, a professor that’s so into the movie even though he watched it probably fifty times by now with each generation and the half asleep or none interested students is what welcomed them as they sighed in relief by their luck.

When the bell signaled for the end of the first period everyone was fast at collecting their stuff and standing up as the loud sound of the chairs being pushed and the conversation suffocated the professor’s words of ‘you’re dismissed’ as he turned on the lights. At times Jeongin really pities the guy.

He’s so close to his pension, doesn’t give a crap anymore about the students not paying attention, his voice got softer since their second year and some students pick on him without getting detention or being stopped by him.

“Hey, earth to Jeongin. Wanna go down the benches after school, the football team will have a preparation for their play.” - when he came back to his sense after his mind wandered away from reality, which it does often, he nodded at his friend’s request knowing that the answer ‘no’ isn’t acceptable.

After a few more boring lessons, a poor lunch since he forgot his money so Felix made him eat one of his triangle fancy sandwiches. The boy refused but he got threatened by him if he didn't eat anything so he had to eat it by force. They sat on one of the benches as they shared their second cup of coffee today. Had to place a notebook underneath them since the wood was soaked by yesterday's rain, sacrifice the physics notebook, it won’t do it any harm. 

“Wait- who’s that?” - the boy voiced after a new face caught his eyes. He got a quick ‘who?’ from Felix as the freckled boy tore his eyes off of Changbin. “The tall one, blonde hair light brown, whatever color spectrum that is.” - his eyes followed his movements, there was something about him that he couldn’t look away. 

“Ah, Hwang. Moved back to town. Through middle school he had to move to Busan, cause of his parents' work or some shit. Now he came back after his mother died. His sport history is great, was in a swimming team and a football one too. Aces everything.” - one would be surprised by how much Felix knows but Jeongin isn’t. His friend gets all the info before one even knows himself. Guess that’s because he has a lot of girl friends, some are even from other schools.

“City boy, ha?” - Jeongin commented as in that right moment the mentioned boy turned towards them and made eye contact with him. It lasted for a few seconds before his eyes slowly fell down on his cup of coffee. ‘Well that was awkward.’ he thought to himself before taking another long sip of his coffee. “Sis, i think he smiled at you.” 

Felix voiced silently even though that was unnecessary since the benches weren’t so close to them where they practiced in the middle of the field. “Good for him.” - the blonde sighed at that, his usual non interest in anyone. No matter how much Felix tried to hook him up with a nice girl he knows, or a romantic boy to make him get over his past in someone’s affection. 

Felix knows everything, knows it’s hard for him but he’s trying a lot for his best friend to seek for the light to suffocate the memory that happened years ago. 

“Maybe we can get to know him through Binnie an-” - “Felix, stop. I really don’t need another hook up. Okay? Especially not now.” - he could feel his eyes on him the whole time while he chewed on the straw. A quick glance at the football team as he caught him steal a glance at him. His own eyes immediately darting downwards again.

“Want me to sleepover at yours?” - a quick shook of his head signaled him that he doesn’t want that. “Really don’t want you to hear her drunk screaming state.” - the dark grey clouds started to cover up the blue sky. “Come to my place anytime, okay? That be at 3am or some shit, just come. My mum or me or even my sister will open the door. Whoever hears the bell.” 

It made him sigh with a heavy chest as he started to feel uncomfortable by the thought of what’s waiting for him tonight. Felix’s small hand gripped his thigh and caressed it with his thumb. His eyes fell on him as he got a smile in return, giving him a mere smile as a thank you. 

The drop of rain that fell on his hand followed by a shower. They cussed other their breaths as they quickly pushed their notebooks back in their backpacks. Jeongin placed the hood over his head as they started to run away under a hiding spot. “Shit- my skateboard is in the office. Fuck, how am i supposed to get home fast now.” 

Felix looked at him after ruffling his already soaked hair. “We gonna take my bike.” - he proposed the idea. “You are not gonna drive my ass to my house then ride back home. You’ll get soaked.” - with the look he gave him Jeongin knew his stubborn friend doesn’t give a single fuck. 

And just like that he was gripping his hands around his friend’s waist, holding tightly as his face was pushed into his back. “Your waist is so small! Fuck the seat is slippery I’ll fucking slip off!” - the only thing he got in return was laughter from where he rode the bike while standing up, as Felix sped up. “Aaah- Lix!” - he rode directly over a puddle as it splashed around them. “I know you love the rain, but god damn it Felix!” 

He dropped him off safely as they hugged tightly before parting. When inside he directly went upstairs to his room. 

The night went by him writing in his little notebook while listening to his drunk mother yelling from the living room. Insults and words of regret slipping from her mouth. “A disappointment. Never should’ve married him! Fucking dick, left me to take care of this child alone. But who am I to judge. Look at me.” - he tried to block it by listening to loud music, only for her to appear by his door.

He looked up at her waiting for her next move as she only stood there, staring at him as the smoke from the cheap cigarette was blown from her lips. “You’re making my room smell bad.” - he said silently, regreting for even speaking up. 

  
  


Once she fell asleep on the couch, his slow and silent footsteps made its way towards her. He covered her with a blanket before he started to clean up all the bottles. He knows the words she spits at him when drunk are only out of hatred at his father who cheated on her and left her without anything. She had to work herself off to come where she is now. With her parents kicking her out since she got pregnant at the age of 18 she was at her rock bottom. 

He shares some beautiful memories with her, she’s not a bad parent. In fact she’s acceptable, caring and was always there for him. But her bipolar disorder, depression and anger management issues leave behind some not so beautiful memories. 

He sat in front of the couch, where her face was laid over a pillow he placed there for comfort. Trailing his fingers over her cheek to push away the hair strands that covered her face as a tear fell down his own cheek, being quick at wiping it away. 

The police wanted to take him away so many times after she was diagnosed, and seeing that she’s a teen parent with no money and no roof over her head. They only thought of bad stuff that could happen when in the end 18 years have passed and she never laid a hand on him. Only the verballness of hers scar the boy. She wanted to prove them wrong, worked hard, went to premed, finished it, applied for a job at being a nurse and that’s how she managed to get a roof over their head and food at the table. 

He looks up to her, but only her ambitious side. Himself struggling with anxiety and depression is something he doesn’t want to be slowed down by in life and not be able to achieve stuff. 

-

The sun shined through the big windows of their classroom, making him have a hard time to fall asleep. The warm weather that occurred today made him wear a t-shirt and his high wasted jeans that snached his waist, as Felix would say. Since he couldn’t wear a hoodie and be able to cover his head with the hood, bury his face into his arms and peacefully fall asleep, he had to pay attention to class. Well at least he tried. 

He’d feel a pair of eyes on him. Looking over at Felix only to see the boy drawing in his notebook. As he looked around more he was met with the new guy’s pair of eyes as they were quickly shifted towards the board. He turned his head back to front as his tongue poked his inner cheek at annoyance. 

  
  


“He likes you.” - is what he got in return before the blonde stuffed his mouth with the sushi he had for lunch. “He doesn’t even know me. And I don’t even care, it’s just, y'know I hate it when people stare at me. Silently judging me.” - he ranted to the boy as they sat on their school’s front yard. The grass felt soft underneath the thin blanket which Felix brought with himself, planning the cute picnic for their lunch time.

“What, your looks? Good ass, cute face and nice anatomy.” - he added with his mouth full, Jeongin only judging his biggest pet peeve. Felix immediately covered his mouth and chewed in peace as he gave him the ‘you happy now’ look.

“Thought you’d say ‘and some nice tiddies. Speaking of tiddies.” - Felix almost choked from laughter at his words. “Oi. I just came and you’re already choking.” - their friend who finished highschool last year, is in his first year of college, majoring in music, comes at times to visit them when he’s passing by their school. 

“Channie, our Innie has a secret admirer.” - the blonde could feel the glare from his best friend but just ignored it. “Oho, kiddo. Who is it?” - the other asked as he sat on the blanket next to him. Snatching one of the sushi rolls. “He’s not my admirer-” - “Hwang Hyunjin.” - Jeongin shook his head and gave Chan a done face to which he chuckled. 

“Why are you saying his full name like I know the kid? Just cause i’m not here to put your ass to the ground you have no permission to tease him. Let the boy be, Lixie.” - he got a small thank you in return from the boy as Felix sighed dramatically. He took a sip of his sparkling water before speaking up for them to have a theme to talk about. “Lix though got himself a special someone.” - Felix smiled at that and clapped in tiny. “Who I hope won’t crush his heart.” - his smile was replaced with a done look now. 

  
  


Jeongin was collecting his stuff to go home after his afterschool literature club ended. Somewhere in the middle of it the clouds outside started to collect as he just hoped it wouldn't rain. The choice in clothing would only result in catching a cold. 

The moment he stepped outside the building the light shower of rain was already making the ground wet by each drop and the weather a bit chilly. ‘The weather is more bipolar than my mum.’ - he thought. After he got his skateboard back he didn’t want to come to school with it again, taking the bus was another option so if he ran towards the bus station maybe he’ll make it, hoping for it to not pour. 

“Running for it will make it worse.” - an unknown voice appeared behind him until he stood under a shadow. The new guy, let’s use his name now. Hyunjin stood beside him with an umbrella being placed over them. Jeongin only noticed now that he never heard him speak and he was practically attending classes with him for the past week. It was smooth, a bit low but more of a soft kind of voice.

He had to look up a bit at him since the boy’s height consisted of a bigger number than Jeongin’s. “Oh- no thank you.” - the boy got so lost in his facial features that he didn’t even realize that Hyunjin didn’t ask him anything. He got a chuckle in return, to his luck he was about to ask if he wanted him to walk him to the bus stop so the situation didn’t end up awkward. 

“Come on. What a better way for me to get to know someone by taking a walk under the rain.” - he managed to cringe internally at his words but gave him a mere smile back. “No, it’s fine. It’s just a few blocks down.” - “It’s a 10 minute walk. I’m going in the same direction just past it.” - with that he sighed as the taller male took that as an agreement to his request. 

At the beginning the walk was quiet since Jeongin is kind of socially awkward. But Hyunjin being talkative made him loosen up a bit as they got to know about each other some main things. “Ohh, really, literature. I go to a drama club, that’s why we managed to bump into each other. But wow, literature.” - the shorter boy chuckled at how amazed he acted. “Yea, why’s that so special?”

He looked up at him for a second only for them to make eye contact. “Nothing just- ah sorry. I’m amazed by people that do literature. Your brains work faster. When you read a book you see a deeper meaning as someone else would just see the surface of the plot.” - he got stopped in his words by what Hyunjin had said. Was that a compliment? A breathy chuckle left his lips as his gaze fell down on his feet. “Thank you?” 

“You’re welcome?” - his head shook slightly as another chuckle left his lips. Making the other smile while looking down at him. When they got to the bus stop in time Jeongin quickly thanked him again for what he did and got into the bus after they bid a goodbye. A quick one as Jeongin awkwardly just bowed and said a small “Byebye.” - which made the other laugh at his cuteness. 

  
  


What happened wasn’t mentioned to Felix since he’d only tease him and see them as a couple even though Jeongin didn’t want that. At least that’s what he was convincing himself to think of. When getting home he cooked dinner for himself and his mother. Packed her some for work since she’s working a night shift and gave her the pills she has to drink. 

-

He hates doing the presentation. Hates peoples’ eyes glued on him, silent judges he can hear, whispers that aren’t even meant for him he thinks they’re about him. He just feels like the light is pointing at him as millions of people are looking at him. He’s being placed in a vulnerable position which he can’t escape. Only wants to hide and not be heard nor seen. 

Like an echo his name was being called, when it got to him he looked at the professor that was waiting for him to start with the presentation. When the words got stuck in his throat and he felt like he couldn't breathe, his hands getting numb and his mind hazy by the lack of oxygen. When the professor saw that he couldn’t proceed he told him to go catch some fresh air. 

The whispers and heavy sares when he quickly walked out of the classroom made it worse for him. When in the hallway he started to run towards the place where he always tends to go and relax his mind. Since the classes are on no one will probably be in the swimming pool hall. 

And he was right. The lack of turned on lights, the emptiness, spacious quiet room made him able to breathe again. He went to sit on the springboard, making his legs hang from it. He started to massage his hands for them to stop getting numb. By concentrating on the breathing he didn’t notice someone walk it. 

That’s until he spoke up. “Jeongin?” - his clumsy and strangled state didn’t think twice as when he shifted his weight to look behind him he sat only half on the springboard which made him slip off of it. The moment he fell into water is when he didn’t know how to react. The high position of the springboard made him go deeper into the water. 

By feeling a pair of arms grabbing him around his waist he felt being pulled up by another body. When they came to the surface he took a big inhale and pushed the strands of his hair backwards. When he saw a face of someone he really didn’t want to at the moment he immediately pushed away from him and made his way to the edge of to pull to climb out. 

Can this day actually get any worse, was what he thought, not wanting to say out loud and jinx himself. 

Cusses left his lips as he could hear him get out of the water from behind. “I have spare clothes. I think it’s better that than from the lost and found.” - his white button up with some black patterns got see-through as his black tight jeans were soaked. He turned around to be met with the tall boy wearing nothing but his swimming shorts. That’s when he remembered Felix's words of Hyunjin being in a swimming team as well. Gosh, wan’t can’t he do. 

His tan well built body got him to stumble over his words a bit as he quickly looked away. “You r- really don’t have to.” - he cussed in his head, he could feel his cheeks getting warm as they were now covered by a faint pink blush. “I insist. I have sense for fashion, you’ll look good.”

By the exchange of looks and the short boy letting out a sarcastic 'tsk' with a half-hearted smile, Hyunjin took that as an acceptance. 

When they go to the changing room Jeongin stared at himself in the mirror as the black hoodie was oversized on his small body and the ripped jeans had to be held by his belt till the last hole for them to not slip from him. 

“You call this fashion sense. It’s a simple fit.” - he mumbled as he got a chuckle from the other boy who slipped into his clothes. “I stand by what I said. Was just too lazy to come up with something today.” - he placed the wet clothes into the H&M bag in which Hyunjin brought his spare clothes. 

“It’s my last class, so I’ll be heading home now. I’ll wash the clothes and bring it back to you.” - the other nodded at his words telling him that he has his drama club today so he’s still stuck in this hellhole. “Wait- umm why did you come to the hall?” - Jeongin stopped in his way as he didn’t know if he should lie or just tell him what exactly happened. So he kept it simple. “Just to calm down.” - he got a small ‘ooh’ in return as he nodded at that. 

When he was back in the hallway he saw Felix standing by the door of their lecture they had with his backpack in his hands. He sure did catch the way his eyes widened at the sight of Hyunjin walking next to him and his best friend in other clothes. “Let’s go.” - he quickly told him after grabbing his backpack from Felix. Quickly thanking him again as Hyunjin smiled at him in return. Bidding a goodbye to Felix as his bye sounded like he was in a dreamland of sort. 

“Spill. The . Fucking. Beans, mister.” - Felix jogged after him when they walked out of the building. Jeongin’s footsteps were fast as he just wanted to walk away from the students’ gazes and tossed words at each other. 

After he told Felix what had happened he had to end it with “And you better not mention anything again cause i swear i will cut you out of my life” - they sat on his bed as Felix begged him to do their homework together. More like an excuse to get the words out of him. “We both know you’re not able to do that. But I won't. I promise. Thank you for sharing what happened.” - he gave him a big smile and curled up to his waist. 

His cuddly side always managed to make him soft. It relaxed him when he’d feel stressed and made him calm down after a break down. “How’s the relationship going with Changbin?” - he voiced while gently playing with his blonde hair strands. “Secretly and slow. We meet up, mostly at night. He took me to mcdonalds with his car.”

“This is mcdonalds drive through, sir.” - they both laughed, Jeongin getting a light slap on his thigh. “You know I love simple dates. We ate, made out, I sucked his dick, the night sky was pretty, we-” - he was interrupted by Jeongin’s repeated word “Wait wait wait. You did what?” - he looked down at the boy as he curled into a ball and hid his face. 

“I sucked his dick.” - he waited to get scolded by him or maybe a slap but when he didn’t get anything he looked up and saw Jeongin’s hand waiting for a high-five. He pushed him away while laughing, shyness taking over him now. “What? Oh my god, stop expecting from me to scold you every time.” 

He looked at him with a smile and raised brows. Only getting a high pitch squeal in return as he covered his face with a pillow. 

For a few weeks Jeongin would catch Hyunjin’s stares during their classes, when Felix and him would sit on the benches when the football team would have their practice he’d get a smile from Hyunjin when they’d make eye contact. Felix sat aside quietly while watching the whole scene in front of his two eyes. The milk packs he’d get on his desk almost every day would be just shoved into his backpack just hoping no one is suspecting anything. 

He knew it was Hyunjin’s doing, the boy would ask him if he enjoyed the milk to which he would only respond with a nod. The whole school was already filled with rumors of him and the new kid getting close. A stupid rumor in Jeongin’s opinion but when the kids are bored who knows what esle they’ve talked about or came up with. Because what they saw was completely wrong. 

Every little way of him trying to get closer to the boy was not accepted by him. The milk he so called drank was thrown in the bin, his smiles wouldn’t get a response back and when he’d ask if he enjoyed the milk he’d only nod and continue his lunch, Felix had to smile at him politely instead and tell him that he’s just tired. The freckled boy didn’t ask questions, promised him not to talk about anything that has to do with Hyunjin. 

He’s not up to some tragic romance, and knows it will end bad. He just doesn’t want to have anything to do with Hyunjin, a boy like him is probably just pitying him or using him to make fun of him later on. Felix would say the opposite but he still stood behind his own words.


	2. know you better

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> italic is used when describing a dream. enjoy reading !

A party was held at Changbin’s for the celebration of their school’s football team winning. Felix was invited which meant that Jeongin had to come with him. After a long pushing and pulling he said yes only for the boy to stop whining about it and because he couldn't actually let him go alone, get drunk and then who knows what would happen. 

“I don’t think I like my outfit.” - he said from where he stood in front of Felix’s body length mirror. Since Jeongin doesn’t really have any make up at home, a small nude palette, a clear gloss and a half empty foundation to cover up some blemishes here and there. He came over to his best friend’s house for him to do his makeup. Wanting it to be natural yet still noticeable. 

In fact Felix did an amazing job and he had to double check his reflection in the mirror because he looked so beautiful. But what he didn’t like was his outfit. Something he’s always sceptical about since he doesn’t quite like his body. Has to change a few times and overthink about every little detail until he feels comfortable enough. 

“You look beautiful, Innie. Look at those nice legs of yours, them hips, your waist and those perfect collarbones.” - he went to stand behind him as they were now both looking at his reflection. The smoke that came out of Felix’s mouth after he took a hit from the electric cigar, filled up the air before it slowly started to vanish into thin air. 

He got a tight back-hug from him as he slowly started to swing him left and right. “Innie beautiful boy, Innie sexy.” - he stared at his reflection giving in to Felix’s small actions. He tried to get the courage from his words, repeated them himself otherwise he won’t be able to step into that party. 

As they walked towards the main door Felix’s mum bid them a goodbye and saying some words to stay safe and not do stupid stuff. His sister yelled out at Felix for him to not be a slut to which he quickly gave her a middle finger while their mum wasn’t looking. Jeongin waved goodbye at her before they were out of the house on their way to Changbin’s house.

A few cars were parked in front of the house as the amount of people that came could be heard and seen from down the street. Jeongin cussed under his breath already regretting his decision. As they walked in the music was loud and people more than alive, either had or a bottle of alcohol or those red cups seen in movies in their hands. 

“You better not fucking ditch on me.” - the boy told him as they started to walk directly where the drinks were stashed. He managed to catch the way Changbin and Felix exchanged looks before he turned to look at his friend. “I won't, I promise, now relax and drink.” - he got a cup being pushed into his hand which was filled with vodka and sparkling water.

“Why don’t I believe you?” - the words were more intended to be said under his breath, since Felix didn’t even answer it. 

Drink after a drink, music banging one after another. One turn around and before he knew it Felix wasn’t next to him anymore. He sighed, being disappointed but not surprised. The alcohol in his system made him feel a bit slow. His mind was processing stuff in slow mo as he tried to stay on his feet. He hates how fast he can get drunk and the fact that the night is still young. 

He decided to walk somewhere around the house and try and maybe find Felix. Through the walk he realised how spacious Changbin’s house actually is. When he found himself in the living room he spotted a familiar face on the couch surrounded by a few people. And before he could double check the familiar face was calling out for him the moment they made eye contact. 

“Chan hyung?” - they hugged as he got a few pats on his back. “Why so confused, kiddo. I still attended this school, Bin sure had to informate me about the party.” - the chuckle that left his lips tickled his neck as he hummed in response. “Did Felix ditch you or?” - they broke the hug as he nodded at his question, the hunt to try and find him already forgotten. 

“Look, I may have something that will make this night better. But do find Felix afterwards, we’ll go home together once we'll have enough and get tired, okay?” - with that he gave the boy a small plastic bag with a white pill in it, subtly for the others not to see.

They talked for a while before he excused himself to use the bathroom. Once he found it he locked the door, his mind kind of slipped off as he stood for a second and looked at his reflection in the mirror, trying to collect himself. The next thing he did with his clumsy hands, but he did manage in the end. 

By slipping out his card from inside of his phone case he pressed it onto the pill which he took out of the plastic bag and placed it on a flat surface. The hard form crumbled into dust. When he was satisfied with it he took one piece of money he kept in his phone case as well, by rolling it up into a cylinder kind of shape he bent down to inhale the final product through his nostril. 

When he cleaned away the small bits, placed back the stuff where they were, he looked at his reflection the last time. Inhaling some air after the tingling sensation in his nose. By fixing his hair a bit and getting the confidence boost he was right out of the door.

If he had to tell Felix what exactly happened that night he’d be a bad guide and some things would just be overreacted. The loud music bass rang in his ear, everything started to feel even more alive, the colors were more bright as he felt like everything shined. 

Moving his body to the rhythm of the music he remembers staring someone down, the other person’s eyes were glued onto his body. The next thing happened like a part of the memory from before was snipped. He found himself in a bedroom with the music being now suffocated.

Tongues dancing against each other as his bottom lip would be harshly sucked on. Teeth bumping against each other as how the kiss was rushed and heated. The feeling of luscious soft lips being pressed against his own felt like heaven to him. His waist was embraced by two strong hands pulling him against another body which is unlike his broad and tall. 

He felt so out of this dimension, he wanted more, needed more of him. Wanted to be intoxicated by him. When the soft lips started to trail down his jawline that’s when the male’s voice vibrated against his skin. “Why do you keep avoiding my existence?” - he tried to catch his breath as his head tilted backwards, gently hitting to rest against the wall behind him. 

His eyes stared at the ceiling, mind going blank as he didn’t know how to answer his question for the sentence to make sence. Hyunjin’s face moved away from his neck, his hand still holding the opposite side of his cheek. He came in his view point, making them have an eye-contact. 

After he didn’t get anything in return, he spoke again. “I really- really want to get to know you better. By the first glance, our first conversation we had when I walked you down to the bus stop- I just wanted to know you more and deeper. Spend time with you. I saw that you didn’t have any interest though, didn’t want to push it. Tried with some small things- like the strawberry milk. Since you told me you like it a lot.” - his eyes shifted down at Jeongin’s lips. Though his own never left the boy’s eyes. 

“You probably think the worst of me. By the first image of me you think I like to play with people’s hearts, that I’m a straight douche who picks on students that are lower ranking than him. It’s just like how some people see you, but I know there’s something bright behind those eyes. Give me a chance and I’ll prove it to you that we can make the best out of this.” - the boy caught his bottom lip between his teeth, chewing on it as the other spoke.

His gaze fell down with a sigh before he spoke up. “For a guy that I tried to ignore for the past month has really high hopes.” - his eyes shifted upwards only to catch how the boy’s face fell, still looking down at him. “And you do talk a lot. I like those types of people since I’m more of a listener.” - a mere smile now appeared on his glossy, still swollen lips. 

“But I’m so wasted now, so why don’t we go for a walk, hm?” - they shared a smile as the other male chuckled at his words. 

The fresh air hitting his face filled up his lungs as it made him feel more free than back at Changbin’s place which is full of people. By tilting his head upwards and seeing a full moon shining surrounded by stars it gave him an idea. He saw a few bikes placed aside as he quickly walked towards them, Hyunjin following behind with a confused face. “Take one, let’s go somewhere nice.” 

“Those belong to someone.” - Jeongin only shrugged at his words as the other chuckled at his idea. By quickly grabbing one and sitting on it, they started to ride towards a place where Jeongin likes to visit at times. 

The fast speed made him rush through the cold air as he enjoyed every minute of it. The downfall made him let out a loud “woo!” - hearing the laughter that came from Hyunjin made him smile himself. It took them awhile but they finally made it to a more isolated era. By swiftly jumping off the bike and dropping it on the grass he walked over to an abandoned building. 

When he turned around to check on the other boy he managed to catch his eyes examining the place. “The view is nice, trust me. Spleen and ideal. Ugly building but it for sure gives a nice view.” - that made the other’s lips curve into a big smile as he followed him. “You ain’t ever leaving poetry.” - he got a small ‘nope’ in return and some words of precaution. 

When they climbed on the third floor, Jeongin took him over to a balcony which didn’t have a fence. But the moment they stepped outside it sure did give out a nice view. In the distance there were lights of the city in its deepest nights. The stars and the moon that painted the dark sky made it even better. “Waiting for the sunset here though, something you need to see at least once.”

The boy voiced from where he slid down against the wall to sit on the concrete. Hyunjin following his actions by sitting next to him. Silence took over them now as their eyes absorbed the sight in front of them, the sounds that came from the night were relaxing to the ear as the air soothed their skin and calmed their minds.

“Escaping reality is sometimes good for your mindset.” - Jeongin’s soft voice broke the silence, making the other’s eyes tear from the view and look over at the boy instead. Who’s eyes were closed and head rested against the wall. “Something you did a while back in the swimming pool hall.” - a hum was the response to his words before he lazily opened his eyes which made them have eye contact. 

The boy’s face was honestly handsome, he won’t lie. Half of his face was illuminated by the moon’s light as his eyes looked dark yet soft. The way his hair strands fell over them made him have the urge to gently push it away, having his fingers go through his hair as a result. The breathy chuckle that came from his lips was annoying, but he loved it.

The way he was still staring down at him with a mere smile, he just wanted to slap that smirk off his face. Head now rested against the wall mimicking his posture, as it made his neck bend back so delicately. He wanted to trail his lips over it so badly, wanted to feel his warmth again. But he should stop thinking about that now, it was probably because he started to get cold.

His gaze fell down, head hung low as he sat cross legged, playing with the fabric of his jeans. A small sigh slipped from his lips. “Can’t wait to hear Felix say I told you so. God, it’s so annoying.” - he mumbled under his breath but Hyunjin managed to hear it since he asked ‘why?’ 

“He insisted that you’re a nice guy and only have good intentions.” - he said it in a way of  emphasizing the adjectives. He could hear the other’s soft chuckle, he wished to hear more of it. Why does he even like his laugh? 

“Well I do like your friend.” - a not seeable for Hyunjin eye roll was his automatic response at his words, but it also made him smile. “Sorry to break it down to you, but I like you more.” - he didn’t know why those words made him smile so wide that he had to bite onto his bottom lip to prevent it from growing any further. He hates this, but also does he. Yes, he does. He’s annoying. 

“Sorry to break it down to you but you’re annoying.” - his head tilted to the side for him to be able to look over his shoulder at the other. He saw the way his eyes shined and how his smile grew slowly so that it turned into a giggle which made his eyes disappear. Fuck, why is that so cute-

He proceeded to move closer so that his chin rested on the boy’s shoulder which made him turn his head away. “Yet you brought me to your favorite place to spend some alone time with an annoying person.” - he could feel the pout even though he wasn’t looking at him. When he tilted his head to the side again, for some reason his wartm made him do so, their lips were so close to each other that if only one of them just puckered they would touch. 

He was so tempted to have his lips on his own again. They felt intoxicating just after a first taste. To his unluck his phone went off as it broke the moment. He immediately fished it from his pocket as Felix came to his mind. He forgot the deal about going home together that Chan planned on as he slapped himself mentally for that. 

The ID indeed read ‘Lixie’. After he picked up a panicking voice started to ask questions on where he is. “Lix, relax. I went for a walk with- Hyunjin. We’re at that building.” - the moment he said those words he could feel something tickling his neck before something soft pressed against it. His automatic response was to flick his hand which resolved into hitting Hyunjin’s nose. 

A small yelp came from him as when he looked over at him he saw him rubbing his nose. With a smirk and a face of ‘your fault’ he continued the phone call. “Wait- Hwang Hyunjin?” - it came from the other line as he said a small ‘Yes’ to that. He could practically feel his best friend’s smirk and the words formatting on his lips without him even saying it. 

“Just don’t. If you want to continue talking to me.” - the boy quickly added not in the mood for a teasing comeback. The call went off with the other line saying they're off to go back home but Jeongin told them he'll go with Hyunjin. He didn't see but it made the other smile. 

After returning the bikes, and not getting caught the walk home was filled with their laughter and a loud conversation which they had to silent by shushing each other. The alcohol loosened in Jeongin but whatever he snorted back in the bathroom was still holding him. 

For an unknown reason the street lamp attracted the boy's attention which made him do a so-called pole dance. Hyunjin immediately went to collect him by pulling him away from it. His hands felt warm around his torso, so when he let go of his body, secretly he missed his touch. 

"Wait- i think I'm gonna-" - without another word the taller male ran towards a bin, where he bent over to throw up. "You can't handle your alcohol, oh poor thing." - by walking over to him he caressed his back to somehow soothe the situation. 

"mm, I just- didn't eat anything the whole night." - it made him look at Hyunjin with wide eyes at the spoken words. "Are you insane?" - in return he only got a smug face with shrugged shoulders. 

Once they made it to Jeongin's house, he stopped in front of the door and turned around to look up at the other, giving him a mere smile as he didn't quite know what to do now. "Well-" - the word was repeated by Hyunjin to which he got a small hit against his chest. 

"Give me your phone." - with a head tilt and confused face he did as he was told. "Password." - getting an 'ooh' as he finally understood what the boy planned. In this situation it took him a bit to remember his own number but after typing it in he gave him back the phone. "What an honour." 

A sarcastic laugh left the other's lips. "See you at school then." - with a hum he went to lean down but Jeongin stopped him halfway when he pressed his fingers against his lips. They made eye contact as Jeongin was looking up at the boy with doe eyes. 

"I don't wanna taste vomi-" - "I aimed for your forehead." - he interrupted his words with a mumble against the other's fingers. "Who gives forehead kisses if you're not a parent with a kid." - he pointed at himself with a raised brow to which the other rolled his eyes. 

He felt his fingers being kissed before he lost the contact of his lips. It made the other feel something deep down which made him let out a breathy chuckle. "Goodnight, Hyunjin." - with said words and a smile which was also given back he got his keys out of the pockets and unlocked the door. 

Once inside, after locking the door he pressed his forehead against the door and bit his bottom lips after a cuss was whispered under his breath. 

"Innie?" - his mum's voice echoed as he quickly turned around. "W- why are you still awake? It’s like 3am or something." - she stood by the door of her bedroom, the nightgown embracing her small body making her look even smaller. "I didn't know when you'd be home so- it got me a bit worried."

It made him feel a bit guilty for not texting her. By rubbing his eyes before ruffling his hair he whispered a 'sorry.' - "No no, it's okay. At least you had fun. And who's that boy that walked you home." 

"Classmate- friend. Go to bed now." - he quickly walked over to her and leaned down to kiss her forehead. He doesn't know if she overheard them or saw them through the window, but he really hopes it's the first one. 

With a mere smile he got from her, he could see how exhausted she looks. He noted mentally to make her breakfast and try to wake up before her to do so. 

  
  


_ The unsettling image that his mind detailedly presented made him feel uncomfortable. His face appearing so close to him, yelling with drastic hand gestures would make him flinch. A cry for help shouted into the void. “I swear if you talk back again I will break your fucking jaw.” - the words came out muffled yet so familiar and understood.  _

_ The male figure harshly grabbed him, the contact burned, so unsettling he tried to fight back but he couldn’t move a muscle. “Look at me.” - the words were repeated, got louder by each shout before pure silence occured.  _

_ “I love you… sorry, know I would never hurt you again… baby, I love… worthless fuck… don’t be scared, I just got a bit out of control.” - the words were coming like a boomerang, echoing through his mind. “Yang Jeongin !”  _

With cold sweat covering his body he got shaken awake from his sleep with hyperventilating. His chest felt heavy as tears pulled in his eyes. The uncomfortable feeling took over his body as he tried to focus on his breathing. 

As he laid back down on his back, after seeing he only slept for an hour before the nightmare occurred he sighed shakily as his eyes stared up at the ceiling. By trying to forget and not think about it he thought of someone. That someone was now Hyunjin. The boy’s face came in his mind as he tried to remember every memory of his face being so close that he could see his beautiful features. 

With the thought of him, a memory of few moments he likes to think back to and he managed to fall back asleep in no time.


	3. love all of me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a small warning; mentions of rape, described scenario, mindset of not knowing it.

Since that memorable night, Hyunjin started to wait for him by the bus stop, they walk to school together and back. Since it became a thing of theirs, students have noticed it though Jeongin never caught someone staring him down, he never heard a rumor being spread about them and he was more than glad. 

Studying in a coffee shop with Felix coming along was something written in Jeongin’s schedule now as it would take up his time after school. Their feet silently fighting underneath the table, a war that Hyunjin would always start, made Felix feel like a thirdwheel. Quietly sipping on his coffee as they'd continue theit little game. 

Hyunjin was indeed a clingy person, it was noticed how he’d always lean against Jeongin’s shoulder when they’d study in the library late at night and he’d get sleepy. Getting all whiny of wanting to take a break which would resolve to his upper body being splayed over Jeongin’s notebooks and laptop like a cat seeking attention. It would make the other smile at his behaviour and give in very easily.

The late night texts and calls kept them awake for hours, as when video chatting he was even once called out for being too noisy by his mum which made them both laugh by keeping it muffled by their hand or a pillow. 

He’d get asked by Felix if they’re together or just got close by becoming friends to which he’d only answer with “No no, we’re not together. We just-” - he got cut off by himself in the middle which resolved to him thinking a bit, Felix immediately adding his thought on it. “You just haven’t talked about it, right?” - to which the other would nod. 

“Look, it really doesn’t matter. I don't care nor am I a fan of putting labels on everything and you know that.” - that’s something Hyunjin knew as well, a fact that the boy mentioned once in their conversation. He’s not putting a label on his sexuallity either, Felix once associated him with a cloud. He just lives life as the wind takes him, simple and calm.

When it comes to Felix’s and Changbin’s relationship their status wasn’t revealed since why would it even matter for one to know. Except for those noisy students that don’t have a life. But Changbin has been hanging out with Felix more freely. They go out together more frequently when they have time, talk in the school’s hallway, at times Changbin would join them for lunch. 

“And where do you think you’re going mister?” - his mum voiced from where she sat on the couch, his sister beside her eating the chinese take out as a movie played on the tv. “Out- to Jeongin’s” - the words came out just like they were thought in a spot. 

“He’s going out with a boy of his. He’s hoeing around with him.” - his sister answered bluntly as their mother gave him a look. He gave his little sister a death glare before he gave an innocent smile to his mum. “You know I don’t mind it, Lixie. Just be careful, okay?” 

Even when having a supportive mother he’d find himself lying to her about his hang outs and with whom they are. “And you watch your language, young lady.” - it made the girl roll her eyes as Felix mocked her, giving their mum a blowing kiss before he was out of the door.

Make outs in the restroom was something Felix mentioned to his best friend when he asked him where he’s been almost the whole class. It made him worry if he’s okay, if he went to the toilet to collect himself. But when he told him that Changbin would text him to meet him in the said location for a makeout session, he only got an eye-roll for making him worry about such thing.

-

On a sunny day like this, after a hard month of exams Hyunjin got the idea to come over at Jeongin’s for them to make their finishing project. The boy told him he could come over on a saturday evening when his mum works a night shift. To which the other added that he could stay over the night then, proposing the idea with puppy eyes and pouty lips to which he knew Jeongin would give in. 

The boy managed to come over before Jeongin’s mum even left so the current conversation to him was a bit uncomfortable, but not so that he couldn’t handle it, he just didn’t want his mum to embarrass him or something. “So you are the boy that walked this big baby home after the party?” 

The woman voiced from the kitchen where she was preparing herself coffee. Hyunjin stood by the door frame as Jeongin walked over to her and gave her the thermos bottle he knew she was looking for but couldn’t find. “Mum, please don’t.” - she quickly thanked him before she continued her unbothered conversation while putting the caffein in the bottle.

“What? I’m making small talk with the boy so he just doesn’t stand there.” - he looked over at Hyunjin who was smiling the whole time as he sighed at the current situation he’s in. “You know my son does literature. Honestly don’t think he’ll have anything from it, better to attend med school and build concrete from there.” 

“Well I attend drama club, my dream is actually to be an actor. Think Jeonginnie’s got a brighter future than me then.” - he chuckled to which he got his mum to look at him. “Ooh I’m gonna have an actor son in law.” - “Oh my god, mum.” - he just waited for a miracle and the earth to swallow him, he could feel his cheeks getting warmer the more she spoke. 

“What? You two aren’t dating?” - she asked casually as she took her cigarette pack and lit one up, resting her lower back against the kitchen counter. They looked at each other as Hyunjin was the first one to speak. “You like to think far in the future Ms. Yang. But you know kids these days take everything slow.” 

“You got a point there, kid.” - she said after his words before blowing out the smoke out. Jeongin on the other hand still thought about the said words while he poured the boiling water in the thermos and added a bit of milk after seeing she clearly forgot about making herself coffee. “He gonna sleep over?” - she asked, the question being directed to Jeongin as he caught her looking up at him. He only nodded a response before he packed the coffee and the lunch box in her bag. 

“I think you should go now, or you’ll be late for work.” - the woman gave Hyunjin the look of ‘you see this behaviour’ to which the boy chuckled at. “All you do is shoo me away, gosh. Anyway, have fun kids. Don’t turn the house upside down and don’t burn the kitchen if you plan on making him dinner.” - “It was one time mum”

“ ‘It was one time, mum.’ You still almost got us killed.” - she took her stuff after that before drowning the half smoked cigarette down the sink at which Jeongin sighed at. “Take care.” - she patted Hyunjin’s chest and with that she was out of the house and walked over to her car. 

“She’s small.” - Hyunjin commented after Jeongin locked the door behind her. “Just like you.” - he got a glare from the boy at his other words before he walked over to him. “I’m sorry about her nosy ass.” - it made Hyunjin chuckle and swing his hands around the boy’s neck loosely.

“Don’t be, I like her already.” - it made Jeongin smile a bit at his words before he crouched down to walk away from his embrace. “Let’s start with the project so we can order takeout soon.” 

-

The empty packs of food laid on the floor where they ate it after being half done with their projects. Currently laying on bed next to each other as a break from work and as Hyunjin said for their food to settle. 

His head rested on Hyunjin’s arm as he held his phone in the air for them to have a small session of anime. In the middle of it he felt the other’s body shifting closer, his breath tickling his neck as how close he placed his lips. 

The room was dim, the desklamp he had to turn on when it read 9pm and the moon replaced the sun, was their only source of light next to Jeongin’s phone screen. 

He could hear and feel how the boy inhaled deeply before he propped his body up, laying on his side while resting on his elbow as a support. He could feel his stare as his own eyes tore from the anime to look up at Hyunjin instead. The soft touch of his fingers that traised down his cheek made him get goosebumps. 

The way he gently pushed a few hair strands away from his eyes, then the warm feeling of his palm cupping his cheek, every soft action of his that followed after another made him melt against his touch. “What did you mean with those words- what you’ve told my mum.” 

He spoke, the words coming barely above a whisper as his body felt relaxed. “That I want to be yours. And I want to be able to call you mine.” - he only stared up at him as the soft caressing of his thumb never stopped. The anime that was long forgotten was now paused when he locked his phone and tossed it on the bed.

When he didn’t get anything in response he quickly spoke up again. “Unless of course you don’t see me in that way then-” - he was about to take his hand away from his cheek before he stopped him. “No, just- I mean I do. Umm.” - “Do you trust me, Innie?” - his words held so much care as his eyes were softly examining every future of the boy underneath him. 

He didn’t answer immediately but when the simple word of ‘yes’ left his lips it made the other smile. “I can see that you’re having trouble deciding because of something unknown to me, but I promise you that you can trust my words when i say that I like you and want to make memories with you.” - he couldn’t understand how he could read him so well, but the more he thought the more he actually did want to be his. 

“How about we try. Okay? We don’t have to make it official tonight, so you can tell me anytime if you in the end don’t want this so you don’t have to call it a break up.” - he got a nod sooner than expected, before he even managed to finish his sentence which made the other chuckle at his cuteness. 

When he leaned down, their lips connected without a warning to Jeongin, but he gladly started to move his lips against the boy’s soft plump ones. From the first time they kissed back at the party, unlike the messy kiss this one was soft and held a lot of feelings. The teasing gentle lip bites which were given by the smaller boy, made the other chuckle into the kiss.

His body slowly moved above Jeongin’s as it made the boy automatically spread his thighs. The kiss didn’t get heated. Hyunjin dominaited the kiss by keeping it slow, their tongues lazily tasting each other. His tongue gently licked over Jeongin’s upper lip which managed to make the boy gasp silently at such a small action that made him feel a lot of things. 

This wasn’t his first kiss, nor his first make out. But he is for certain that it’s his favourite. Even his first kiss with his first lover didn’t go so romantic and smooth like this one. 

Hyunjin’s hands started to slowly trail up and down the boy’s sides. His body reacting to the touches by slightly arching his back from the white bedsheets that were already messily laying underneath them caused by their movements. 

  
  


A kiss on the corner of his lips was placed before his lips trailed down his jawline. He started to kiss his neck as his hand trailed underneath his shirt to feel his smooth skin. The shallow but noticeable hip movements of his made him feel his crotch being pressed against his own. 

His eyes were shut as his eyebrows gently furrowed, hands laying beside his head. “You’re _so_ _beautiful_.” - his words tickled the other’s neck, making him gulp. One hand of his trailed down to his exposed thigh since he wore shorts. 

_ A hard grip of his thigh started to hurt a bit, he knew it would leave small bruises on his fragile light skin. Just like there were dark marks formed all over his neck down to his chest. From pale old ones to dark purplish-reddish ones. “So beautiful for me, kitten.” - His other hand was trailing over his exposed body, when it would cup his clothed bulge he’d have mixed feelings about it. Feeling too exposed and a bit uncomfortable.  _

_ “I- I don’t think I’m ready, Minho. I don’t- like this.” - his soft voice was caught by the other, making him chuckle before he leaned down over him, lips getting close against his ear. “Yes you are, baby. Look how hard you are, hm? That’s what happens when you’re aroused and not when you don’t want it.”  _

_ The burning feeling and a new sensation made him whine out his name. Shaky hands grabbing the sheets as his knuckles turned white from how hard he was grabbing them. “Baby, relax for me. You said you want this.” - his cheek was pressed against the pillow, back arched and ass exposed up in the air for his lover so look at and touch on. His eyes were filled with tears as a quiet ‘I didn’t’ left his lips, not hearable by the other.  _

_ Loud whines and moans were leaving the boy’s lips. The bed made noise with each fast and hard thrust from the other. Jeongin’s small hips being held in place by his hands, the pain already getting dull.  _

_ “I’m close, baby.” - with that he felt his hand wrap around his private part as it teased the slit. It made him cry out in pleasure and pain before strings of cum fell on the sheets underneath him. It made his thighs shake but Minho didn’t stop any soon.  _

_ When he finally reached his orgams he spilled his seed in the condom with a low groan. A few more hard thrusts followed as the boy was staring numbly at a random dot. His cheek pressed against the pillow, soaked from the tears as his other had dried out tears on it. Eyes red and puffy just like his lips from all the bitting.  _

_ It was a hard task for him to sit now. He was left in Minho’s bed when the male went to take a shower. Many thoughts ran through his head as he laid there all sweaty and the cum sticking to his tummy.  _

_ “You’re so beautiful.” - he’d voice while cleaning the boy. _

_ They’d end up doing it frequently. Especially if Minho was stressed, he’d tell him that sex really reveals his stress and that Jeongin makes him feel good and relaxed.  _

_ At times it would be soft but at times it would be harsh and it would hurt. “You’re just a fucking toy for me to play with, why should I stop now?”  _

_ But he would receive kisses and ‘I love you’s’. That’s just how Minho expressed his love to him, that’s what love is. His boyfriend loves him. _

  
  


His chest started to rise up and down fast, not having any control over his breathing. “Stop ! please.” - Hyunjin quickly backed away from him after the said words, panic forming on his face as the other quickly moved from him and sat against the wall, hugging his knees. 

“Fuck- I’m so sorry. Jeonginnie, I really am. It’s okay if you don’t want this, and thank you for telling me- I just- I’m sorry _ I got carried away _ .” - it’s like Minho’s voice blended with Hyunjin’s in his head as it made him cover his ears, eyes starting to get teary. 

His hands started to get slowly numb, chest felt so heavy as an uncomfortable feeling rested against it, making it unable to breath normally. 

Minutes passed of him trying to catch his breath as Hyunjin even brought him water. Asking him if he needs something more, to which he barely managed to ask for the pills that are placed in the bathroom’s cabin.

After an hour passed he calmed down. Regretting he reacted in such a way. “Don’t you dare apologise for that. It was my fault for going this far.” - he only stared down at his hands as Hyunjin sat next to him, cross legged while stealing a couple of glances from him. 

He chewed on his bottom lip, the words wanting to be said but it’s like they got stuck in his throat. After getting the courage and collecting the trust he has in the boy he slowly spoke up. “Don’t- think I’m a virgin and that I reacted like that cause of it.” - the other nodded at his words not showing any signs of judgement. 

They’re both 19 and he had a thought that Jeongin may not be a virgin, it isn’t something to judge, but he himself is one. The words only made him a bit sad knowing that he won’t be the first one to have his exposed body underneath him, gently trail his hands over his smooth skin and make him feel good. 

He wasn’t sure if he should tell him now about his past toxic relationship and finding out too late that he was raped by his so called loving boyfriend. At the age of 15 he didn’t know any better, just wanted to be loved. He was naive. Minho is 3 years older than him, he sure must know better than his inexperienced self, that’s why he trusted him so much.

“I don’t think I’m ready to tell you yet. But please, when I do. Please love all of me, no matter what.” - his bottom lip trembled, noticeable by the other as his own eyes managed to get teary, chest feeling heavy. “Come here.” 

Hyunjin embraced the boy, the boy’s head resting against his chest as his legs were placed over Hyunjin’s thighs. His lips pressed against his head before he started to litter small kisses. “You know I already love you. Whatever the words will unfold and show the side of you I didn’t know about, I will still see you the same, just more close as our relationship will grow.”

He isn’t sure exactly if he’s assuming the right thing but if he is, his heart does feel heavy by the thought and all he wants to do is protect the boy no matter what. 

Jeongin is trying to trust him, he really is. By his words and actions he feels safe and his hugs feel warm, making him relax and calm down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> leave kudos and comments ! thank you for reading !

**Author's Note:**

> have a great day/evening/night, my loves.


End file.
